Friday afternoon no deadlines and zero drive to do anything and I got this memo.
Memo to all employees:
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and
productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all
employees well trained through our program of
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T).
We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone
else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T
on the course, please see your supervisor. You will be
immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T list and our
supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S.H.
I.T you can handle.
Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T will be placed in
DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T).
Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T seriously will have to go
to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T). Since our
supervisors took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they don't
have to do S.H.I .T anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T, you may be interested in a job
teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC
UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T).
For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management
and consulting, we will refer you to the department of
MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T).
This course emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T
If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF
TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T).
BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G.S.H.I.T)
Thank you for your time.
The Director Under the Main Bureau of Super High Intensity
Training. (The D.U.M.B.S.H.I.T).